Taking A Break To Write A Novel

I shan’t be blogging so much for a while because I’ve started to write a novel, and it’s taking up all my creative energy.

So far the experience has been a revelation. I understand now the suggestions on writing sites,  and everything we covered on my novel-writing week in the north of England two years ago. That being the need to make a plan, to do research and to think deeply about the personalities of the characters: none of it seemed necessary when I was only writing novellas and short stories, but now suddenly I’m doing all that and it makes sense. Even the comments that writing advisers make  about leaving the editing till later suddenly resonates; I’ve always done most of it as I go along, but with a novel that would slow you down to an unacceptable degree.

It all goes to show that different kinds of advice are relevant for different types of fictional work, and a lot of what you come across is geared towards novels.

I haven’t abandoned the chaos magick, but I’m working with a new entity from one of those Goetic categories. Is that why this post sounds so normal? Not at all: I’m still a mad chaos magician, but all the chaos magicians suddenly get conventional when they talk about writing skills. My friend Joe Forrest here on WordPress keeps saying your first draft is ‘always shit’ (written in red) even though I’ve commented that if I write something in an inspired state of gnosis, and edit it at the time………it stays in.

My stories are still going to be positive with a happy ending, because as the egregores say to the humans “find your own voice”, and that’s my voice.


The LOWDOWN On My Chaos Magic Writing

I took up chaos magic towards the end of 2013, and now I’ve become an author writing fiction that’s about chaos magic.  Are you curious to know how that happened? Well, I’m going to give you all the gory details whether you are curious or not.

Working my way through evoking the egregores made by my group DKMU, (ten egregores, each one more crazy and twisted than the last) I came to Ino the muse. We clicked straight away. I saw her in a crystal, and you would think that after having a big interest in the occult for many years I would have done that before. But no- NEVER done it before.

A month later, an online friend was about to publish volume 2 of his E-magazine. There was I playing a board game I had invented at the age of fifteen, all about sex and Star Trek-as you do when you’ve become a chaote.  My only concession to the passing of numerous years since I was fifteen was to put in gods instead of Star Trek characters, plus a teaching servitor who I had met in an empty chat box.  Part of the game is to write down what is said in a notebook, and the teaching servitor and I started talking about whether I should have added saliva when I tried making a servitor myself.

We wrote down all these jokes about spitting and gobbing, and random passages about other things too, and I went into the most hysterical laughter of my entire life which turned into gnosis of a degree that I still haven’t equalled since. The teaching servitor kept me locked in that state for ages while she siphoned energy off me. So I submitted one of the short passages from the notebook (not the one about spitting, thank God) for my friend’s E magazine, and it looked pretty good in there.

Another month passed and I was in an online group project with a crowd of chaos magicians, one which involved writing fiction. I sat down in a park and wrote, and it sounded….not to be big-headed, but it sounded professional. I had done writing before, mostly poems and religious songs (I was involved in eastern religions for a time and many of them are very devotional). But it had never actually sounded like ‘the business’ before. A door had been opened, or two doors: one by Ino who is called ‘the open door’ and another during that board game.

So that is how I got here, writing psychic and magic stories and hypersigils, and  now  I am going to follow a bunch of other chaos bloggers,  to encourage them to follow me.




My Writing Ambitions

I have never  been an ambitious person. Now my Muse has introduced me to ambition for the first time, and I’m determined to become a published writer.

It feels strange: like a divine discontent, or like being Macbeth. Although I have so much to be grateful for in life I want more, and I’ve been brought up to think that makes me a naughty, whiny child;  yet somehow in this context it doesn’t mean that-  it means some kind of restless poet soul.

Ambition belongs to the strident orange ray which also rules over physical vitality and sporting prowess. It’s something that has never been part of me: I’m always getting tired, and in my wardrobe there are no orange clothes.

In some ways a taste of the orange feels wrong, like an obsession. Yet it also feels very right as I wonder why I didn’t have the drive and focus years ago. Some artists always have it while others have to be prompted, often by a friend or lover, or as in my case by a Muse.

I’ve never been confident either. Every time I browse the works of other fantasy writers I always find at least one who I consider better than myself. I have to remind myself that it’s all taste: skill and experience as well, but largely audience taste.

I write in a very simple style- in fact my Muse sounds more experienced in worldly life than me when she writes, and she isn’t even  incarnate. But that is my own voice and my own way, which she has encouraged me to find.

There was a time once in my life when I had to live very simply for a while to sort out some problems. It wasn’t dire poverty, just rather romantic things like wearing an old evening dress as a nightdress, and I loved it! It felt pure, and fun, and it was the complete opposite of the orange ray of ambition.  I’ll enjoy the ‘tangerine dream’ of myself and my Muse being the next big thing- but at least with my temperament I won’t sink into despair if it doesn’t happen.

My Name and the Fluff

pink ray


For a while now I’ve been going by the pen name Candy Ray, and I always explain that it means ‘the pink ray of affection.’   Therefore some people probably think I’m ‘fluffy’, to use the horrible word: fluffy candyfloss pink. Well, interpret it that way if you like.

It started with the idea of a candy stick wand. I would love to be the angelic guardian of the ‘big rock candy mountain’ place where souls are sent to have a good time: as in Pinocchio and the boys being sent to Pleasure Island, or Father Christmas waving a candy stick and taking you to the North Pole on Christmas Eve. An angel like that would have a pink candy stick wand.

Then I became serious about mixing the red cosmic ray with some white light to make it candy pink. The red ray is the ray of lust, anger and violence, the ray of being sent to Hell. When you go to the big rock candy mountain instead, the ray softens to pink.

All my life I’ve attracted situations of being on both sides at once. To give a material world example: working for the same organization that is your landlord- I did, for over twenty years. It’s called ‘a conflict of interest’, ‘running with the hare and hunting with the hounds’, or even ‘sitting on the fence.’ (Ouch!)

I’m a magnet for these situations, and it’s exactly the same with the left hand path and the right hand path. I constantly try to choose between them, and I always end up on the left hand path but with a kind of right hand path ideology.  Imagine how that feels: the guilt, the “what on Earth am I doing?” the “how on Earth did I get here?”

The only positive thing I’ve been able to get out of the experience is this candy pink ray made by combining white and red. One day I drew a sigil for it, a pink dragon, and I use it everywhere online now as my symbol. (See above.)   One lady I showed it to thought it looked a little like graffiti art. Now that I’ve posted it in a number of places the original paper copy feels much more vibrant and exciting; I’ve still got it in a folder.

The seven cosmic rays come from the sun, and when you see light from a star you don’t see it in the place where it is now but the place where it was a few years ago.  In the same way the candy pink ray isn’t strictly my present: it’s the collective effects of all those struggles and fights that started long ago in the past and are still going on now.

Being a pen name the candy pink ray relates to the way I write. It’s chaos magic, but  a softer and more feminine form of it, and I hope it comes over as original and different rather than as pink Barbie doll fluff.  I shall continue to put free material on my blog and I would welcome comments and feedback, especially about the longer pieces on PDF’s. (See About: My Books page for links.)


This piece is also on my blog on the ‘Occult Corpus’ forum.