The helpline has closed.

The blackberry bush has been cut down,

From which we used to gather

Sweet berries every year.

Is this leafy grove

Sufficient distance from the road

To loiter and pretend my town

Just does not exist?

I lie back and close my eyes.

The berries here are poisonous:

Bloody red like little bullets

Growing in this grove.

There’s no phone signal;

You cannot phone for help from here.

I’m dozing here, escapist,

My head upon the leaves.




My Name and the Fluff

pink ray


For a while now I’ve been going by the pen name Candy Ray, and I always explain that it means ‘the pink ray of affection.’   Therefore some people probably think I’m ‘fluffy’, to use the horrible word: fluffy candyfloss pink. Well, interpret it that way if you like.

It started with the idea of a candy stick wand. I would love to be the angelic guardian of the ‘big rock candy mountain’ place where souls are sent to have a good time: as in Pinocchio and the boys being sent to Pleasure Island, or Father Christmas waving a candy stick and taking you to the North Pole on Christmas Eve. An angel like that would have a pink candy stick wand.

Then I became serious about mixing the red cosmic ray with some white light to make it candy pink. The red ray is the ray of lust, anger and violence, the ray of being sent to Hell. When you go to the big rock candy mountain instead, the ray softens to pink.

All my life I’ve attracted situations of being on both sides at once. To give a material world example: working for the same organization that is your landlord- I did, for over twenty years. It’s called ‘a conflict of interest’, ‘running with the hare and hunting with the hounds’, or even ‘sitting on the fence.’ (Ouch!)

I’m a magnet for these situations, and it’s exactly the same with the left hand path and the right hand path. I constantly try to choose between them, and I always end up on the left hand path but with a kind of right hand path ideology.  Imagine how that feels: the guilt, the “what on Earth am I doing?” the “how on Earth did I get here?”

The only positive thing I’ve been able to get out of the experience is this candy pink ray made by combining white and red. One day I drew a sigil for it, a pink dragon, and I use it  in a lot of places as an online avatar. One lady I showed it to thought it looked a little like graffiti art. Now that I’ve posted it in a number of places the original paper copy feels much more vibrant and exciting; I’ve still got it in a folder.

The seven cosmic rays come from the sun, and when you see light from a star you don’t see it in the place where it is now but the place where it was a few years ago.  In the same way the candy pink ray isn’t strictly my present: it’s the collective effects of all those struggles and fights that started long ago in the past and are still going on now.

Being a pen name the candy pink ray relates to the way I write. It’s chaos magic, but  a softer and more feminine form of it, and I hope it comes over as original and different rather than as pink Barbie doll fluff.  I shall continue to put free material on my blog and I would welcome comments and feedback, especially about the longer pieces on PDF’s.